One Year of Trying and Waiting and Trying Again

The second Sunday in July. One year ago today, I was desperate to join my local Lyme Disease Support Group and meet other people in the same boat.  I missed that gathering.  It didn’t work out because our family was at our church picnic that ended up being a full day event. What a benchmark.  This year, on the second Sunday of July 2015 it turns out I have my first apitherapy (bee venom therapy) session.  I am at my church picnic today, and the bees are calling me. Time to start stinging!  Ironically, the scheduled time is 3:00pm, the same as last year’s Lyme Disease support group.   Reflecting on the past year, I see now how important it is to have patience.  (That was one hell of a year.)   I had no inkling that one year ago today I would be actively pursuing apitherapy, that I would be intentionally stinging myself with bees and praying their venom does everything it is said to do.

Faith is trusting that a good and positive future is really going to happen, becoming nearer and more real; faith is not knowing HOW it will happen.  Patience is waiting and wading through the not knowing what that future looks like and not knowing WHEN. Faith and Patience, they go hand in hand.  Faith means being tough and enduring the shit while waiting for the universe to do its beautiful thing.  Patience is waiting indefinitely for the (brain) fog and confusion to clear.

Not quite sure how I got through it.  Not once did I say to myself, “Oh, I have so much patience, everything will work out just fine.”  It looked quite different from inside my little fish bowl of chronic illness.  I saw frustration that treatments weren’t making me feel or function better.  I saw my own anger that I can’t control these damn spirochetes (Borrelia bacteria) inside me.  I saw so much sadness and grief to have lost my verve, my creative juices, my energy to get through the day and do barely more than basic chores.  I saw fear of my illness getting worse and slowly killing me.  Patience is not easy at times like this, nor is it a simple thing to have faith in the universe.

Advertisements
One Year of Trying and Waiting and Trying Again

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s